Shooting Stars

Last night was frustrating. It's finals time, and I couldn't focus for my life. I was distracted early in the evening, and I couldn't shake it for the rest of the night. Finally, near midnight, I left my work/school office and went home.

Angry as hell, I went out for a hard run. I never run. Well, maybe three times a year.

I ran maybe three miles, and then I sprinted as far as possibly could until I couldn't feel my legs or breathe. I was praying the whole time. Hard.

I climbed on top of two hay bales in some farmer's field, and poured my heart out to the Lord.

It's been a dark couple of months. I've wrestled to surrender my cynicism. I want so badly to return to my childlike walk with Jesus. So badly. I'd give anything. I wish I could feel again, I wish I could hope, I wish I could be settled in his love.

But I wasn't. The Lord developed my cynicism. I idolized reality. It was terrible.

And then, and then there were three shooting stars, and I was released. I grinned at the tackiness of the exchange, and I was filled with the Spirit's hope again. And oh, my friend, that I could express what I have learned. In joy, in hardship, in success, in failure, in hopefulness, and in cynicism, there is only meaning in Jesus.

Before I am an intellectual, I belong to you. Before I am a musician, I belong to you. Before I am a cynic, I belong to you. Before I am anything that makes up my being, I am your child.

Fill me with your solemn understanding, your corrective cynicism, and your childlike meekness, that I may follow you with all of my being, surrendered, and trusting.

The Child-Like Mandate

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." –Matthew 18:3-4

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."—Mark 10:14-15

Jesus did not emphasize many statements as a prerequisite for entering the kingdom of God—we would be wise to take it seriously. I am often curious why so little attention is afforded this 'Child-Like Mandate.' The expositions on these passages, and their parallels, that I have heard seem to 'explain them away' more than look for Christ's heart in them. Usually, the passage is reduced to an analogy about faith (children believe their parents without question, so we should believe God without question.)

Mm, maybe that's an alright point, but I think it misses the heart of the issue. In fact, it sort of suggests blind acceptance of Christ's ways which contradicts the biblical concept of honesty—which includes intellectual honesty.

I could point to the child-like qualities that I think Jesus was referring to, but I think that I would miss the point as well. (Although I think it is worthy of note that the one character trait Jesus pointed out in the children was humility.) I think Jesus was pointing to the nature of children as a whole—except their nature—their purity, meekness, love, quickness to forgive, and their faith. Of course, even many children do not reflect child-like traits as they seek to become older, tougher, etc—but most of us, nonetheless, have a general picture of the true nature of childhood.

Shame on us if we grow so enamored with our own 'understanding,' 'success,' and 'confidence' that we neglect the mandate to become as children.

The Un-Owned Soul.

Owned. That describes most of us. All of us.

Cultural analysts point to the current trend to trade in civil freedoms in the name of national security, but that's what has been happening on a social level for decades. We've traded our liberty to think as individuals in exchange for the safety of conformity. In fact, we've been doing it for so long that we're beginning to lose touch with reality. That's the first sign of insanity, and certainly absurdity.

We have forgotten the reality that we are flesh and blood, and we live on a material earth, that exists now, and existed before the twenty-first century. It is real. Our ability to act and choose is real. The fact that we are alive is real. We are a part of history. We can choose to do whatever we wish with our lives.

But we've forgotten that fact. Instead we bow as idolaters before our Golden Culture. Culture is not real—it is manmade. It doesn't exist, it is an idea, an idea that is subject to our approval, not the other way around. We are as described by the prophet Isaiah: He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, "Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?" (Isaiah 44:20, New International Version).

Sometimes the best medicine is to find a lonely field to sit silently in, feel the dirt with your fingers, imagine the people that walked on it before you, and realize that you are bound to the earth, and the earth is yours. Your life is your own. God gave it to you. This is your one chance to be the image
of God. Don't let presumptuous cultural mores dictate who are and what you do.

Think. Examine. Live.

Remember, you are responsible first to God, and then to the authorities he sets up—and culture is not one of them. (Romans 12).

Samson

I'm in Holland with the boys from the band in which I play bass guitar. We are staying with a missionary-friend we have known for many years.

The other day we were having a conversation about Samson. In my mind, he is one of the most controversial of Israel's judges. Honestly, it is hard for me to find any redemption in his story. God gives him a great gift, he uses it to purue his own desires and get revenge on those who have angered him, he lives lustfully, repeatedly engaging in commitments with the enemies of the people of God, and in the end he displays a great lack of common sense which leads to capture and demise.

Of course, one could argue, we are all imperfect, and God used Samson despite himself to slay a few thousand Philistines--to which I can only offer a sarcastic 'yay.'

So he slayed a few thousand enemies. David's strong men accomplished mightier things. I don't think the point of this story is that God uses imperfect people despite themselves. Although it is true that we are all imperfect, I think there is a difference between a leader who is after the heart of God and, well, Samson.

No, I think a more important point to be drawn from Samson's story is that power without maturity, a gift without a right heart, is very nigh useless.

Many powerful people are proud and protective of their power, but that was never the example of Jesus. Jesus used his power to empower others. In fact, Jesus used his power to empower worldly people. He layed his power down to be a servant, to lift others up, to set an example, to be inclusive, to strengthen the weak. In fact, he said that if the strong wish to follow him, they must become weak.

We all have gifts. At one place or another, we are all 'powerful' people. The question is whether we will use our power like Jesus, for others, or like Samson, for ourselves. Samson could have changed the world. Jesus did.

Gum Wrappers and Hope for Romania

The last couple days my friend Rik from Belgium and I have been playing soccer with some Romanian kids we met here in Baia Mare. Two days ago we gave them some gum during a break and they immediately threw their wrappers on the ground. Rik and I playfully scolded them.

"This isn't America!" They replied.

"Oh?" I said, "And who's going to change Romania?"

"Basescu!" They laughed. (Basescu is the president.)

"You have to be the change." I smiled. (Of course, all that was in Romanian.)

Anyways, yesterday we all took a piece of gum during a break again. Without a word, they collected their wrappers and handed them to the oldest to throw away.

While gum wrappers may not be a big deal, what I learned from this funny little anecdote is that their is hope for Romania in its children. Let's do all that we can to encourage them to be that hope.

Învaţ

Everyday I study and converse with an assorted group of 34 other persons also studying Romanian, representing 15 or 16 different countries. My mornings are spent soaking my brain with grammar lessons--which are never given in english. During the afternoon I listen to lectures in Romanian, throw pottery at a little Romanian pottery shop, go out into Romanian villages, or play soccer to get some exercise. In the evenings I usually watch Romanian films, do my Romanian homework, and then either go out with some fellow students or complete some personal writing.

Essentially, I eat, drink, and breathe Romanian. It's excellent.

The multi-cultured table conversations have been enormously enlightening. I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. It is stretching me in many ways.

So, despite many setbacks, my heart steadfastly trusts that his love will win in the end.

Amen.

The road is as home to me as my sheets.

I’m in Amsterdam at the moment, visiting my lovely musician friend Leslie for a few days. Friday I leave to study Romanian in northern Romania for three weeks. Then I’ll return to Amsterdam to meet up with the boys from the band I play in. Perhaps we’ll write an album while we’re here, but we won’t be playing any shows since we lost our vocalist.

I love my friends at home, I have a wonderful family, but traveling has become an addiction for me. It is nourishment for my bones.

The Lord has me close to his heart. Close enough that its beating occasionally succeeds in drowning out noise of my cynical thoughts. That’s necessary now. He holds on to me, and I love him, and he is giving me his eyes.

Brilliant.

The traveling has been smooth thus far. Leslie stays with a lovely family with three small, energetic children. Although I’ve not met him yet, there is a young man staying here from Britain, and apparently he is a soccer player, so I’m excited to do some skill building!